Long Live The 6-Pack!

Every day there seems to be more and more breweries packaging their beers in 4-packs instead of the classic 6. The only time this is acceptable is when said beer comes in 16 ounce tall cans. I can let that slide. But when we're talking about regular 12 ounce bottles, I will purchase nothing less than a 6-pack. To be honest, I feel a bit disrespected every time my eyes land on an overpriced 4-pack of some super fancy beer. And trust me, I'm well aware of the best beers in the world and I've tried them all on numerous occasions. But that's really what it comes down to: These breweries want to feel so special about their precious quadruple IPAs that they feel it's warranted to cut two beers out of the equation. Well, I'm here to say that shit just won't fly with me. It never will. And it shouldn't fly with you either. Boycott the 4-pack. That shit is unequivocally unacceptable.

And trust me, I know more about beer than anyone else on planet earth. I was drinking Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Ale Barley Wine in middle school when most of y'all were drinking Strawberry Hill and Thug Passion. I understand that the vast majority of the beers being sold in 4-packs are stronger than average beers. We're talking 8% alcohol and above. But who gives a shit? Who wants to pay $9.99 for four twelve ounce beers? Not this guy. If you showed up to my house for a summertime BBQ with a 4-pack of Green Flash in your hands I'd probably punch you in the throat and smash the beers over your head while laughing hysterically at you. And if I showed up at your house for your birthday party carrying nothing but a 4-pack of Sam Adams I'd expect the same treatment from you. And quite honestly, I'd be livid if you didn't at least kick me in the shins and spit on my forehead.

Enough is enough, fellas. Gas prices are still through the roof with no decline in sight; the recession is taking its shoes off and getting comfortable in your living room; our government is nothing more than a bad joke, and zombies are literally eating faces off of homeless people. And now you're trying to sell me beer in a 4-pack. Fuck you. Shame on you and fuck you. I will not accept your treacherous offer. You're all cowards and I don't know how you sleep at night.

6-Pack Or Die!

-- Hobo With A Shotgun aka The Real Blue Collar Gangster.